The Scent of Death
by syrraki
Summary: Sasuke comes back to Konoha. Itachi comes back from the dead. Naruto comes out? Humour, NarutoxSasuke, SakuraxIno, Zombie!Itachi.


**The Scent of Death**

Well. Sasuke was back.

That was good.

Not that everyone was happy about that, exactly, but the new Team Seven was overjoyed.

When the first scouts claimed that Sasuke was heading towards the area _sans_ malicious, ready-to-kill aura, Team Seven had assembled at the gates ready to welcome him with open arms. Naruto was ready to punch him as well. Sakura was ready to grope him, just once, because who knew when he would be not bloodthirsty again, and yes she was over her crush (_way over_) but it wasn't an experience to be missed. Kakashi was ready to read porn. But then he had been born ready. Sai was there to observe Naruto and Sasuke reunited, and Yamato was there. He wasn't sure why he was there. He didn't know Sasuke outside of dodging attacks from him.

But the point was that everyone that counted was ready to welcome Sasuke back to the village.

And suddenly there Sasuke was.

"Oi! Bastard!" Naruto grinned, taking a step forward, ready to engage in masculine greeting rituals, when he faltered.

"Is that-" Sakura stopped, covering her mouth with a hand.

"It can't be..." Yamato said, wondering if he should call for back up.

"Interesting," said Sai.

"Oh boy." Kakashi lowered his book.

Sasuke reached the border. He gave the four of them an uninterested look, as though he'd just got back from a stroll in the woods. "Hey."

"Uh, hey Sasuke," Naruto said, the first to put aside his abject horror. "What's up?"

"Sasuke-kun...It's good to have you back." Sakura kept her eyes on the floor.

"I had better report this to the Hokage," said Yamato, taking a few steps backwards and teleporting out. Sai followed suit.

Everyone had been ready to welcome Sasuke back.

They hadn't expected Itachi.

"Itachi-san, it's good to see you again," Kakashi said, finally addressing the figure slouched slightly behind Sasuke.

"...Nggrgh. Braaaains."

"Oh god." Sakura gagged at the black mass in Itachi's mouth that almost resembled a tongue.

"Sasuke...Is your brother a zombie?" Naruto watched in fascination as Itachi's head lolled back on his neck.

"No," Sasuke said, defensive. "He's not. He's just a bit..."

"...dead," Kakashi finished for him.

"...Yeah." Sasuke glanced to the side, considering. "And he likes brains. Like. A lot."

"I think he's kinda...rotting." Naruto ventured closer, mouth open in fascination.

"He's not rotting," Sasuke said, glaring at Naruto. "We're going home. Come on Nii-san."

Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi watched him stalk away, Itachi stumbling after him.

"I think that's Itachi's left ear," Naruto said after a moment, pointing to the floor.

* * *

"You're kidding me," Ino said, mouth falling open with delight because _this_ kind of mouth-watering gossip just did not come around often enough.

"I'm not." Sakura hid her smile, running a hand through her damp hair before attacking it with a towel.

"Well. Damn." Ino sat back on the bed, glossed lips pursed in thought. "How did Naruto take it?"

Sakura considered, ignoring her hair for the moment and concentrating on the important task of post-shower moisturisation. "Good. Well. Not bad. It was a shock for all of us."

Ino grinned. "You threw up, huh?"

"Wha- Aurgh." Sakura spun around to meet Ino's amused look, then huffed, torn between denial and surprise. "How do you always know?"

"Oh Sakura," Ino gave her a sympathetic smile. "After seeing you hungover, I recognised that post-vomit hue the second you came in." Seeing Sakura's pout, she amended: "Don't worry, it's gone now. You look bright-eyed and gorgeous."

"Hmph," Sakura tossed her hair,causing water droplets to fly around her. "And don't you forget it."

"So apart from the zombie brother, how was Sasuke-kun?" Sakura looked around for the hairbrush, only to find Ino was using it to comb through her long tresses. "Hey, Ino, I need that. Use your own."

"Yours is better." Ino failed to relinquish the brush. "The teeth in mine keep falling out."

"Ino..." Sakura stalked towards the bed, hands on her towel clad hips.

"Your hair looks fine like that anyway," Ino said, keeping her hold on the brush. "You were saying? About Sasuke-kun?"

Forgetting momentarily about the brush, Sakura considered Ino, sprawled out on the bed. "Why? You jealous?"

"Che, why would I be jealous of him, his zombie brother and his mental issues?" Ino asked, glancing at the pillow in a show of nonchalance.

"I have no idea," Sakura said casually, letting her hand trail from Ino's shoulder to the soft inner skin of her elbow, then down to lace their fingers. "It's not like _I_ would ever go after Sasuke-kun after all this time. Especially," she caught Ino's eyes, for once wide and uncertain, pushing her back to lie flat on the bed, "when I have all this, waiting for me at home."

"Damn straight," Ino said, voice going breathy as Sakura's free hand started slipping up the back of her thigh, fingertips skimming over the soft skin there.

"Oh," Sakura paused, leaning up from the lithe body spread out beneath her, causing Ino to groan in frustration, arching her back and bucking her hips up impatiently ("Come_on_. Why are you always such a tease?"). "Remind me to get them some flowers tomorrow."

Ino flopped back on the bed, giving up her attempts on getting some loving. "Fine, fine. Want me to write it down? Want to discuss a flower arrangements or preferences?"

"Hmm," Sakura said, smiling as she traced the line of Ino's collarbone with her tongue, producing a shocked intake of breath from the girl below her. "Something with a strong scent." She sat up, wrinkling her nose and ignoring the pained noise Ino made. "As much as Sasuke-kun insists Itachi isn't a zombie, he definitely smells like one."

* * *

"Thank you for the tea." Tsunade glanced in the teacup, taking a sip and put it down, getting straight to the point. "I received your proposal."

"I see." Sasuke settled opposite her. In the background, Sakura and Naruto leaned against the counter, watching the exchange. The air was heavy with the suffocating scent of lillies. "Would you consider it?"

Tsunade sighed. "It's a difficult issue."

Sasuke's expression darkened. "The Elders had my clan killed. How is that difficult?"

"The problem is that even if what you say is true, there is no evidence." Tsunade sighed. "The Elders covered their tracks carefully. Aside from your claims, there is no proof that the massacre of your clan was anything more than a tragedy."

"What about witnesses?" Sasuke asked. Sakura nearly dropped her teacup.

"You can hardly expect the Elders to testify against themselves," Tsunade said with a frown.

"No, obviously," Sasuke said. "But there's Itachi-Nii-san."

All eyes swivelled to the third occupant at the table who was drooling into his green tea.

"Hm. The issue of your brother." Tsunade pursed her lips. "That is another thing that needs to be addressed. Sakura?"

"Um. Yes." Sakura stepped forward to stand behind Tsunade. "On the Hokage's instruction, I administered a full health check up to Itachi-san and compiled a report."

She paused. Sasuke glared at her. "Well?"

"After carrying out extensive investigation...from a distance, I came to several conclusions." She paused again, trying to gather herself. "Itachi-san is not...alive. That is to say, he's dead." Sasuke made no motion to suggest she had said anything of consequence. "Despite having no obvious illnesses, Itachi-san has multiple lacerations, bruising, burns, missing fingers, a kunai in the back of his head with a seal attached, no pulse, no heartbeat, and," she paused, taking a breath, "he tried to bite me. Several times."

"That's not his fault, he's just hungry." Sasuke seemed to take affront at the claim.

"I had the distinct impression he wanted to eat my...brain," Sakura said.

"Hey," said Naruto, unable to contain himself. "Is that why you've got him on a chain now?"

"...No. That is just a personal choice." Sasuke reached for a biscuit, and offered one to Tsunade.

"So it's not to stop him from trying to eat anyone's brain?" Sakura eyed Sasuke's grip on the chain.

"Could we get back to the issue at hand?" The rise in volume seemed to jolt Itachi out of the stupor he had been in, and he made a sloppy, grating noise at the back of his throat and lurched forward. "Nii-san, _no_." Sasuke tugged on the chain for emphasis and Itachi sat back down, gums gnawing on his teacup. Satisfied, Sasuke turned back to Tsunade. "So, as I was saying..."

* * *

"No freaking _way_," Naruto said. "You are even more out of your mind than usual."

"What's the big deal?"

"It's _creepy_, Sasuke. It's really, really creepy."

"You're such a girl, dead-last."

"Hey!" Naruto pointed at Sasuke, eyes narrowed. "Asking for flowers, that would be girly. Wanting to go for walks at sunset and asking you if I look fat, _those_ are girly things to do. Asking if we can spend time together _away_ from your zombie brother? That shouldn't even be an issue."

"So, what? You're holding out on me now?" Sasuke didn't seem impressed. In the corner, Itachi had half a chicken bone protruding from his mouth.

"Look, I don't want to have sex when there's a chance your undead brother could break free of his chain and _bite my dick off_," Naruto said, last few words coming out in a rush.

"Don't be stupid," Sasuke said. "Itachi isn't gay."

Naruto stared at him for a long time. Finally: "I liked you a lot better when your brother was _alive_."

* * *

A frantic knocking woke Sakura with a start.

"Ignore 'em," Ino said into her shoulder, still half asleep. Huffing, because why were the midnight visitors never interested in dragging Ino away from her much beloved beauty sleep, Sakura left her bed and trudged to the door.

"Sasuke." Sakura forced a smile. "Hullo. What's wrong?"

"Sakura." Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets and glared at her.

"...Yes?" Sakura wondered if this wasn't a dream. But no, she clearly remembered that before she had woken up, she had been dreaming about Ino licking whipped cream off her belly button.

"...There's something wrong with Itachi," Sasuke said.

Sighing, Sakura willed herself to stay friendly and professional. "Could it be...that he's dead?"

Sasuke twitched. "Can you drop that?"

"Drop the 'dead' thing? No, not really. Because he's dead."

"He needs a medic," Sasuke said.

"_Sasuke_," Sakura said, "how can I say this in a way you'll understand? Medics, like myself, aim to stop people that are _alive_ becoming dead. Once someone is dead, I've kind of reached the limit of my abilities."

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura felt a warm body press up behind her, and a chin rest on her shoulder as a flowery scent engulfed her. "What a surprise! What brings you here in the middle of the night?" Ino's words were light, but Sakura knew that if she turned around, she'd see eyes as hard as flint.

Sadly, Sasuke didn't detect Ino's hostility, somewhat stalled on the silk negligee she was wearing. Sakura could appreciate that long blonde hair falling over lilac silk, with a generous helping of those perfect legs that Ino liked to flaunt made a damn good picture, but the way Sasuke was eyeballing Ino's breasts was practically vulgar. Especially considering the recent arguments she had overheard he and Naruto having.

Between Sasuke's wandering eyes and Ino's desire to mark her territory, Sakura made the best decision she could. "Alright Sasuke, let's go. Itachi-san needs us."

* * *

After a fifteen minute checkup, Sakura walked out, peeling off her latex gloves with a shudder. Sasuke was sitting on the sofa, drinking his fifth cup of coffee, which he almost dropped when he saw her. "Sakura, what happened?"

Sakura took a deep breath. "Well. Bad news. I couldn't sew his finger back on. Mainly because Itachi-san didn't enjoy being poked with a needle, and the sedatives I gave him had no effect. The good news is both of his thumbs seem to be holding strong."

Sasuke was quiet for a moment. "I see."

His forlorn appearance cut through Sakura's irritation at being woken up to do something so ridiculous as attend to zombie brothers with missing digits and she sighed. "Look, Sasuke. I'm sorry, but the fact of the matter is that Itachi is dead, and that has consequences."

Sasuke was quiet again, glaring at the floor. Sakura reached out a hand to pat his shoulder, ignoring the flinch. "I did leave you some tape. You could tape his finger back on; it would be a lot easier than sewing."

* * *

When Sakura returned home, the first thing she saw was Ino sauntering out of the bedroom - nevermind that it was still two hours before dawn - with a glint in her eye. She stopped in the doorway, leaning her hip against the frame and smiled. "Sakura."

"No," Sakura said, alarmed, because when Ino said her voice like that, like it was a particularly delicious sweet and she was dying to lick off the sugary coat and bite into the soft melt-in-the-mouth centre, it could only mean one thing. "No, no, definitely no."

She paid no attention to the pout Ino gave her, going straight to the bathroom and locking the door. "Sorry Ino," she called through the door once she was satisified that she was safe from her girlfriend's intentions. "Give me fifteen minutes."

And she set to work washing the scent of rotting flesh out of her hair.

* * *

"Has Itachi lost another finger?"

"No."

"Can you check? I think there's a finger in my ramen."

"That's a carrot."

"Are you sure?"

"...What are you doing after this?"

Naruto eyed him suspiciously. "Nothing. Why?"

Sasuke didn't look at him. "I thought you could come over."

For a second, Naruto squinted at him, and then his eyes got really wide, and he scoffed. "Well I don't know. Is Itachi going to be there?"

"...Yes."

"Gee, sorry, I have no desire to be watched by a decaying corpse while I make out with my boyfriend."

Sasuke's grip on the chopsticks faltered as he reached his threshold of patience. "He can't watch, you idiot. He has no eyes."

"THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO THINK," Naruto said, slamming down his bowl and leaving Sasuke with the bill. Itachi seemed sympathetic, as Sasuke reached for his wallet.

* * *

"For the last time, Uchiha, dead people can't stand as witnesses." Tsunade rubbed her temples, wishing for more sake. If only she could teach Tonton to bring her cups of sake. She could make the pig a little carrying case where the cup could rest, then lean down to drink it under her desk. No one would ever know...

"But Hokage-sa-"

Itachi made a lunge for Shizune who shrieked and threw a sebon at him catching him in the stomach and entering with a soft spongey noise. The chain Sasuke held tightened, and Itachi was drawn up short, stumbling and falling.

"Nii-san, no attacking humans!" Sasuke said. Itachi made a sad noise, head rolling forward and chin meeting his chest. Satisfied, Sasuke turned back. "I'm sorry, you were saying?"

* * *

On the way back from a meeting with the Hokage, Sakura stopped by the flower shop to let Ino know that she'd be late for dinner and to _please_ get her some dango if she went by that way because she was having cravings.

"Hey Ino-" Sakura said, her voice contrasting with the bells hanging above the door that let out a jingle as she entered. "Sasuke-kun. Hi."

"Sakura." Sasuke inclined his head, putting his hands in his pockets before saying a quick goodbye to Ino and leaving. Itachi, who had been munching on a bouquet of sunflowers, was yanked after him and exited with golden petals covering his mouth. Sakura waited until they had both left before turning to Ino.

"Spill."

Grinning, Ino leaned across the desk, resting her chin in her hands. "Okay, so I was sitting in here, bored out of my _mind_, when I saw Sasuke-kun walking past and I thought I'd-" she faltered slightly, "say hi! So I called him in."

"Itachi was with him, I take it?"

"Yup, and you know he didn't pay for those sunflowers."

"Tragic. Go on."

Ino's eyes flashed with excitement and she lowered her voice. "Sasuke thinks Naruto is cheating on him."

"What? _Why?_"

Shrugging, Ino leaned back, her secret divulged. "Apparently Naruto has been ignoring him, and spending lots of time with Neji, as well as talking loudly about taking a long holiday in Sand."

Sakura nodded sympathetically. "I get it. Did Sasuke seem angry?"

"Eh, it's Sasuke," Ino said. "But he must be pretty shaken up about it to even consider telling me."

"Point." Sakura shook her head at the stupidness of boys and paused before lifting up a lock of her hair and sniffing it tentatively. "Augh! I don't know how this happens! I didn't even go near him!"

"The scent of decay is attracted to your hair," Ino said wisely, ignoring Sakura's glare.

Twenty minutes later, as Sakura lathered Ino's strawberry scented shampoo into her hair, she realised she'd forgotten to ask Ino to buy dango.

* * *

Rubbing a hand over her face, Sakura willed her eyes open and forced herself to pay attention to what Naruto was saying.

"-bit me, the bastard. Not that I'm surprised because it seems like _all_ Uchiha's are bastards, but they're not supposed to _bite_! Not without permission, at least and there was definitely no permission! I feel violated, and also yucky like I might throw up, and what if I turn into a zombie too?"

"Where did he bite you?" Sakura asked, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep right there at the kitchen table.

"My hand." Naruto extended his hand to Sakura who looked at it.

She sighed. "Naruto. There is nothing there."

"Huh?" Naruto frowned, pulling his hand back to stare at it. "No way! Maybe it was the other hand?" He stared at both his palms, then flipped them over to look at the backs.

"It already healed, I take it?"

"Oh. Yeah. Maybe." Naruto suddenly covered his hands with his mouth, eyes wide. "DOES THIS MEAN I'M GOING TO BE A ZOMBIE?"

"Naruto..." Sakura threw self restraint to the wind and punched him in the head. "No, you idiot. Itachi-san's brand of undead isn't contagious, his reanimation is through a jutsu and despite having zombie-like tendancies, he's not infectious." Naruto blinked at her. "You're not going to be a zombie," she said.

"Oh. Good. Well. Awesome!" Naruto punched the air and stood up. In her mind, Sakura was thinking of her bed, and how she would relish the next three hours of sleep before she had to get up for work. "Although. You know, I bet Sasuke would pay me more attention if I was a zombie." Naruto sat back down. Inside, Sakura felt the little bubble of bed-shaped happiness burst and resigned herself to getting no further sleep.

* * *

"Really? He said that?"

"Not in so many words. But he _means_ it. Can you believe he says I should make more of an effort!"

"It must be difficult for you."

"It really is! No one gets that! You know, sometimes I feel like that zombie is the other woman."

Groaning, Sakura willed herself to stay asleep.

"Maybe you need to talk to him?"

"I can't! He's crazy! I wouldn't be surprised if Itachi ate _his_ brains. Something has got to change, or Itachi's gonna to be best man at our wedding."

"Oooh," Ino sounded delighted by this piece of unexpected gossip. "You two are thinking of tying the knot?"

At this, Naruto launched into a spiel about not wanting to commit to someone with family issues _and_ zombie issues to which Ino made agreeable interjections. Sakura waited until they were in full flow, then slipped away from the table, intent on getting some sleep. "Oi, Sakura-chan! You're awake! Can you check my hand again? I think it's going a bit green."

Sakura wanted to cry. Instead, she squared her shoulders and walked back to the table, returning Ino's knowing smile with a swift kick to her shin. "The hand Itachi-san bit?"

"Uh, yeah. Could be."

* * *

Sasuke sat opposite the Hokage, expressions blank. Naruto was pointedly not looking at him. Sakura had tied her hair up with a bandana.

"I assume you know why you're here, Uchiha-san?" Tsunade tried to focus, ignoring where Itachi sat in the corner, with his two remaining fingers thrust into his eye sockets and wiggling about.

"Because you've reconsidered my desire to bring the Elders to justice?" Sasuke tried.

Tsunade resisted the urge to slam her head against the desk. Instead, she took a deep breath, then shook her head. "No. My decision on that remains firm. The reason I have called you here is that I've heard some interesting things about you in the last few days. Some of which are serious accusations."

Sasuke said nothing, just levelled a gaze at her that said _go on_.

"Apparently, you broke into Konoha Hospital two days ago. Specifically the morgue, and liberated two bodies."

Sasuke blinked. "I don't know what you mean. And besides which, I have an alibi."

"This is a ninja village, Uchiha-san. Anyone that can produce a clone has an alibi."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "The idea that I would be seen breaking into a hospital is ludicrious. I'm hardly genin."

"That's the thing, Uchiha-san," Tsunade said, rubbing her temples. "While the witnesses didn't see you, high ranked ninja you are, they _did_ see your brother stumbling around connected to a chain, and reached the obvious conclusion.

"I see." Sasuke shot a glare at Itachi who had extracted one finger from his eye socket and proceeded to eat the black gunk he found on it.

"Furthermore, last night you were spotted in the graveyard-"

"I was taking my brother for a walk," Sasuke said.

"Carrying several corpses away from empty graves," Tsunade finished. "I assume stopping Itachi from going after the bodies until you got away was what led to you being seen."

Sasuke said nothing. Cringing, Sakura pulled her bandana further over her head.

"You realise that the hospital aside, grave robbing is a serious offence?"

Sasuke crossed his arms, staring at the floor, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like: "growing zombies need nutrition."

* * *

"Is he going to be okay, do you think?"

"I'm sure he'll be just fine." Naruto patted Sasuke's back as the two of them watched Itachi amble off into the undergrowth, in search of rabbit brains. It had been touch and go for a second, once Sasuke unchained him, and Naruto was sure as the brighter target, he was going to get a bite taken out of him, but luckily Itachi had heard the call of the wild. Or something. "You know what would cheer you up? Ramen."

"I think ramen would just cheer you up."

"I think after all the shit you pulled, I deserve to be cheered up," Naruto said, beaming. "Ne, Sakura-chan?" He looked behind him. "Huh. Ino-chan? Where'd Sakura-chan go?"

"She's probably in the shower, washing her hair," Ino said. "And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to join her."

The End


End file.
